If you’re reading this, chances are something isn’t quite right in your life. Maybe you feel wound up, always on edge, or just generally “off,” but it’s hard to explain. For many men, anxiety and depression show up in different, more hidden ways. You might be thinking, “I don’t want to talk about it”, and that makes sense.

Moreover, men are taught to be tough, to “man up,” and to handle problems on their own. They are often highly self-reliant and hyper-independent. But holding everything inside can be a heavy burden. Reaching out isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of real strength. After all, isn’t being able to do something hard considered a quality of being strong, thus making reaching out for help a strong act. Therefore, it’s a courageous move to take control and build a better life for yourself and the people who matter most.

What Anxiety and Depression Look Like for Men

Symptoms of depression can manifest as feelings of sadness and hopelessness, anxiety, loss of pleasure, problems with concentration, sleep disturbances, agitation, and social isolation. Anxiety is often a companion to depression, characterized by constant vigilance, fear, and worry. Therefore, it’s important to recognize these symptoms, as depression can be tough to notice in oneself when experienced personally, making self-identification difficult.

Common Symptoms of Anxiety and Depression in Men

• Constant Irritability or Anger: Instead of sadness, you might feel a short fuse, get easily frustrated, or snap at family and friends. This anger masks deeper pain or sadness that you haven’t been able to express. Struggling with regulating anger can make it hard to work through depression and anxiety. If this seems to be the case for you, anger management counselling may be a more helpful place to start. 
• Coping through Habits: You find yourself drinking more or using drugs, working too much, gambling, taking big risks, or getting involved in other compulsive activities. These are often attempts to “self-medicate” or numb uncomfortable feelings and a sense of emptiness. They are short-term solutions which cause long-term pains. 
• Feeling “Numb” or Disconnected: You might feel a strange emptiness, a sense of being “dead inside,” or just lack energy and vitality. It can be hard to identify or put words to what you’re feeling, a condition called “alexithymia.” Also, you could be chronically in “auto-pilot” mode and struggle to feel any motivation or drive. This can make you pull away from close relationships, feeling like a stranger in your own home.
• Physical Aches and Pains: Depression and anxiety can physically hurt. Additionally, you might have unexplained stomachaches, backaches, headaches, or constant trouble sleeping (insomnia).
• Blaming Others: It’s common for men dealing with this to blame their partner, family, or job for their unhappiness, rather than recognizing their own internal distress. This can make it even harder to understand your own needs and what is keeping you in states of depression and/or anxiety.
• Driven to Succeed, Fear of Failure: Your sense of self-worth might be strongly tied to being successful, powerful, or productive. This “performance-based esteem” can create immense pressure, and any perceived failure can trigger deep shame and feelings of not being “good enough.”

Why It’s Tough for Men to Ask for Help

If this sounds like you, know that your experience is very common for men. Many cultures have set up expectations that make it incredibly difficult for men struggling with anxiety and depression to reach out for support:

• The “Guy Code” and Shame: We’re conditioned to be independent and self-sufficient. Asking for help can feel like a “humiliating defeat” or a sign of weakness. Depression itself is seen as “unmanly” or “weak,” contributing to men feeling ashamed of being ashamed.
• Fear of Being Misunderstood: Many men genuinely don’t have the words to describe their feelings, making it hard to express what’s going on inside. They fear that disclosing their pain will lead to social isolation or even hostility.
• Not Knowing What Therapy Is: You have an unclear picture of what counselling involves, leading to anxiety about being “diagnosed” or forced into uncomfortable conversations. If this is the case for you, see if this video helps you feel more prepared for counselling.

Moreover, studies show that between 60-80% of people with depression never get help. This number is higher for men because their symptoms are often hidden and they face significant stigma. Tragically, men are four times more likely than women to die by suicide. Often because they refuse to seek help. Men deserve to feel safe and accepted when reaching out for help so they can get back to being the man they want to be in the different roles in their lives. 

Online Counselling for Men in Kelowna

Accordingly, when you reach out to Iron Tree Counselling for support, you will be understood. Having a male therapist, who has encountered and worked through many of the struggles outlined above means that the online anxiety and depression counselling you receive comes from personal and professional experience geared towards helping you. We will respect your experience and help you find practical solutions.

What to Expect from Iron Tree Counselling

• Privacy and Convenience: Online sessions mean you can get support from the comfort and privacy of your home or any secure space in Kelowna, BC, or AB. This reduces the anxiety and stigma of being seen entering a clinic, making it easier to take that crucial first step.
• Approachable: We aim to meet you where you are in your life. That means how we talk about the struggles you face will be geared towards the way you think about things. We aim to make therapy as accessible and understandable as possible. Our goal is to help you become an emotionally resilient man, not to change who you are.
• Practical Tools and Action Plans: Men often respond well to clear goals and concrete strategies. We’ll work together on practical tools and action plans you can use in your daily life. Tips and strategies will be discussed in-session to help you understand your emotions better and improve your relationships.
• Building Inner Strength and Control: We’ll help you reconnect with yourself, learn to become more comfortable with uncomfortable emotions, and understand that true empowerment comes from being in charge of your own reactions and choices.
• Learning to Communicate: You will be supported to develop a heightened emotional awareness and find ways to express what you’re feeling, in ways that make sense for you. As a result, you will be able to connect more deeply and emotionally with the loved ones in your life. This may entail getting to the root of your pain, whether it’s from childhood experiences or current pressures, to support you in finally finding a path to healing.

Online Counselling Approach for Anxiety and Depression

In order for the most effective anxiety and depression treatment, counselling involves exploring and support in a few different areas in your life. Some areas of discussion include:

• Develop Assertiveness: Learning to express anger constructively and set boundaries in your life. This will entail recognizing if people pleasing tendencies contribute to your experience of anxiety and/or depression. 
• Process Trauma: Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), such as emotional abuse or neglect, are strongly linked to increased risk of depression and anxiety. Therapy provides a safe environment to explore these experiences, helping to shift from shame to understanding, and fostering personal growth. 
• Rebuild Identity and Purpose: Depression results and/or leads to a loss of sense of self. Therapy helps you identify your strengths, abilities, and values to live a meaningful life.
• Developing Healthy Habits: Exploring and understanding how different habits impact your experience of anxiety and depression. We will discuss blocks and struggles you experience to getting enough exercise, healthy nutrition, and sleep as these are considered the three core pillars of mental health.
• Stress Management: Recognizing and managing stress is essential when lessening depression and anxiety. Practices like mindfulness, body-based techniques, and other tips and tricks, when consistently applied, significantly reduce stress and contribute to positive emotional health.

Discover the Empowered and Confident Man Within

Overall, depression and anxiety have profound negative impacts on your life. In particular, they impact your relationships, physical health, productivity, and many other aspects of mental health. Therefore, with the right support, there is absolutely hope to work through it. Starting online anxiety and depression counselling for men will lead to a pivotal moment of positive change. 

Ultimately, our goal is to help you achieve a life rich with purpose, meaning, and personal fulfillment. When you’re ready to take the first step towards a healthier, more confident you, reach out for a free consultation. Iron Tree Counselling is here for you and your journey towards empowerment, freedom, and joy.